From the past

This isn't a war story because I am not proud of it. But I have a very dry, dark humor and really laugh at some of the weird shit I did over addiction. I went through all of the stages of grief but I think I should include one that isn't listed: Insanity. I had it down. In my insane moments I did really insane stuff. I will put it here but if I ever run for public office and someone finds this I am ruined.

Some of you may have read the Cinnamon story at Mantramine's blog, in reference to her story about searching her hubby's van. Who hasn't plowed through someones belongings looking for "it". "It" ladies and gentleman is that, something we know is wrong although we aren't sure what "it" is. We will know when we find "it". Some of us know what paraphernalia or drugs look like, some of don't. I had no idea why I had Brillo pad pieces in the pocket of my seat in the car. I didn't smoke crack so I didn't know what it was for.

But I did know when I found something that shouldn't be there. And when I became aware I began searching. I wasn't sure for what but I would know when I found "it". I found lots of things he didn't want me to see. I went through a period when I thought he hid things like a scavenger hunt and it was a game. I was so sick.

But to the funny stories. Or sad. It depends on the way you read it. Imagine a laugh track like to Funny Videos, it makes it better. Once when C was high on speed he passed a pig farm. He knew he had been very bad so he thought he would buy me a pig to make up for it. We live in city limits. We have a dog and a cat. He brought the pig to my work. What the fuck am I going to do with a pig at my work???

Once I found a plethora of pills on a cig package and dumped them on the front lawn. I turned on the water hose and watered them into the ground. I think if he hadn't been high he would have killed me. Once after investigating our cell phone bill I found a number over and over. I called it and pretended to have received the name and number from C because he thought she might be interested in a car. It blew her mind that C would say she wanted a car because she didn't really even know him. She turned out to be one half of a couple that sold speed. I should have taken the pig to her house. ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

I found a crack pipe in an empty cassette case with tin foil. I wasn't too sure at the time what those were but he said that he found in on the road. That was paired up with a really raunchy porn mag that cost a lot because it showed everything. All I could think was that girl taking that 5" in diameter penis was someones daughter. It looked really painful.

Once I found pills and I flushed them but left a really funny note in their place. He found it because I found it crumpled on the floor near the hiding spot but he never said anything. I felt so satisfied about that one. It was a really big thing for me because I didn't confront him.

This isn't too funny. Well, somethings are. It is funnier in my head than on paper. Well, we have more times ahead and so far this month has been better than the previous 6 years!! I feel positive about it. This shit was on my mind and had to get it out.

Thanks!