Who am I

I love words. I think they are so underrated as a form of expression. Some of you know how I cherish cuss words and the meanings they show when used in certain situations.

Where does this lead my post you wonder. Well I think I need to clarify why some of my comments on blogs show up with my blog title and others with the Google account name Step Back Jack. Here is the story (not riveting, just background):

Once upon a time a lonely woman was on Craigs List attempting to find "great deals" to cheaply furnish her new home. She bought the home with no belongings having left them all in a place called hell some 400 miles to the west. I stumbled upon their community for recovery and out of curiosity I clicked. What a mess that place is and if you want to end up worse than your arrival, please go. A kind,compassionate person found me there and invited me to view her blog (thanks JW for your passion, making a difference. You have made so many people feel like I have and have brought such wonderful people here that I would have never had the privilege of knowing, cyber friends. It almost makes everything you went through justified, I said almost ;) ). Before she found me I didn't have a clue about blogs or where to find them (obviously if I didn't know about them then I wouldn't be able to find them, duh). She gave me a little background on her situation and I felt compelled to continue reading. I went for weeks reading her blog and finding others that found her. I decided to make by own blog. I did not have a Google account and needed to set one up. I make all of my passwords dirty words (like I said I love the expressions and meanings) and was hostile when making this account. Recovery hits everyone differently and I was angry for a good part of mine (I still am, sometimes). I started my blog and named is the appropriate name, Married to My Ex. At the time I assumed that C would leave rehab and die of an overdose but I was still married to that obsession, that need to help, control, change. The fact that he stayed for 4 months and has so far been clean is incidental. Until I sought help for myself I would have always been married and unavailable to anyone, mostly to myself. So when you see my comments as Step Back Jack you know it is me. I am both attached and available, detached and clingy, married and divorced. This is a process, as I have finally learned, of letting go and reclaiming. It isn't easy but as I have written in the past, the most noble or correct way is usually the hard way. Anything worth having is always worked for. how else can you appreciate it?