Sunday, Sunday

I have had the first lazy Sunday that I have had in a while. It is nice to never get out of your pajamas. Well, you take a bath and change into different pajamas, but it rocks! I did do the dishes and fix the garbage disposal. I am woman, hear me roar!

So C and I are being as honest and open about the future. We both know what it takes to stay sober, stay honest and stay happy. We are not fools and we know that hard times always come with good, but it is how we handle it that makes the difference.

Like the warrant issue. I cannot tell the story without it sounding like a transcript of a Maury Povich episode. The warrants needed to be satisfied. We get down there and do the bonds. Lo and behold! An outstanding warrant. Another $1000 down the drain. I am not mad at him. We both called that county on separate occasions so set up payment arrangements for 4 tickets and even asked, "Is that all?" to which we got a "Yes" but apparently not.

I used to truly believe that police were honest and as long as you did the right things then they would work for you. Wrong. I have been lied to twice and the only wrong things I have ever done was a seat belt ticket in high school, a speeding ticket and a ticket for out dated registration. The end. Oh yeah, and a MIP in high school for being around people with alcohol at a street dance in the town I lived in. That was a crock of shit.

At any rate. I am really down with law enforcement and it will take a lot to resume that level of respect. I even donate annually to the something fund for fallen officers and their families. Ugh. Reality sucks.

So that is Sunday. Nothing big. Which makes it my favorite kind of days. And for the codependents out there, he is calling these places too. I am not doing it for him. Me saying this almost sounds like an admission of guilt, huh?

My Major

When narrowing down my major I considered many things. I have a strong background in sales, automotive, customer service and food service industries. I am a quick learner and enjoy problem solving. I have strong values and morals (yes I know that I am married to my opposite, but hey, it makes life interesting). I want to leave a positive mark on humanity when I die and want to feel that I am helping my fellow Americans (codependent to the core!). I originally thought that I would continue a major in Business since I have that in my background but that is not what I want to do. I would love to help deliver babies but I would cry when that happens and that is unprofessional. I love education and school supplies. I also truly feel that childhood and adolescence is so important. I want to let those kids know that someone does care about them and their future. I landed on teaching for a number of reasons and having summers off was the deal clincher. I have more specifically decided on middle school and social studies. I have come to realize the importance of history and social interaction. I think the right teacher with the right tools can be the right combination for kids in the gray area.

So my major is education.

Another day, another bond

I bought my text books online. I am a huge geek and freak about the small details of life. As you can guess I am a student that comes to class prepared and the cell phone off because lets face it a ringing phone is a distraction to everyone. I have always purchased my books in the bookstore to make sure that what I am buying is what the professor wants FOR SURE. So you can imagine how hard it was for me to buy them online. Ooooh, scary. What a risk. But it is (whine). If they don't arrive in time for classes I will be a tense bitch. You must know that I am not this anal in all aspects of my life. My car, for instance, is a pig pen. It isn't unsanitary yet.....

C cleaned the garage. He even edged and we argued about the best way to position the sprinkler. It was nice. We have those stupid felony charges for breaking into the house that he lives in now. Yes, Springer can call me for an interview. I know it is trashy. Well they won't drop the charges because, and I will try to be as precise as possible:
Ma'am we are doing it for your protection. Once the charges are dropped and aren't hanging over his head then he might retaliate and hurt you. And, since it is a felony charge, if we catch him and you are helping him we can charge you too.
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????? So you are telling me that when I practically made that department put the warrant on (before he went to rehab and that is another story), when he tried to turn himself in and you told him there wasn't any charges and he walked out and checked into rehab, when I called you and you told me to go to hell that now that the charges are there that you can't drop them, and then you are going to slap them on me? What the fuck is going on in my local police department?

I will allow them the grounds of assuming I am a trashy woman taking back an ex, blah blah blah. But past that, he is making every attempt at getting better. The only person he wronged was me and I don't want to punish him for that. So punish me. That was the craziest shit I had ever heard. I have one more shot, with the supervisor, unlikely but seriously. We go down, he gets processed and then goes to court only to have the judge see that he is now living in the very house he broke into and that he went to rehab for 4 months prior. What will the judge say? Hopefully that the police need a power and reality check.

I know they have a tough job and it isn't the police, it is the detectives. Those pompous pricks like on 48 hours or whatever that damn show is called on Court TV. They dress all nice and lie all the time. I hate being naive sometimes.

So that was my day. Another productive day. I mailed off the money that HE made for his 4 tickets from the previous city we lived him. God looks out for C. They dropped the DWI charge. Who gets that dropped? Well he passed every sobriety test and they still hauled him in for an open container. Whatever.

Oh, and I am taking 15 hours. Yes I love stress. And I still love Tylenol PMs. Until tomorrow.

Codependent everyday

I am sooo codependent. My friend, A, well she is my friend and I care for her dearly. She is the daughter of two alcoholics and the sister to a drug addict. She is not an addict to a drug or alcohol yet...

She takes Phentermine to lose weight and it worked, at first. Now she takes it because it makes her happy, but in her head. She is a raging bitch if she gets mad while she is on it. She spit on her husband on the day of her daughter's birthday party and threw cups at him. He hit her in the face. He is a whole other story that I cannot get into nor do I want to. He disgusts me.

So I find myself here at work thinking about her. She is off today. She took off yesterday. She doesn't want to work, clean, cook. She only wants to shop and spend money. She hasn't paid her mortgage in three months (they filed bankruptcy and keep rolling it in) and Super Nanny is going to come to her house next week. Yes friends, she is going to let cameras into her life.

I am trying to think of ways to rescue her. But I can't. There isn't anything I can say to her to stop her madness. It actually causes my stomach to churn when I think about how much she owes Reliant Energy and how much she just spent a Dillard's buying her kids more clothes. Those kids have more clothes than they will ever wear. So now I have to blog about it because it is on my mind and I have to remember those 3 C's. I didn't cause it, I cannot change it and I cannot control it. It is easier to love with detachment now. It is harder with C, but with A I can do it. It still makes me sick though.

I love my ex. I love him as deeply as I did the day we married, had babies, divorced and when I dropped him off at rehab. He is still doing well. We have had no relapses and we are working on month five of clean and sober living. He tells me he still thinks about it but it is easier to forget.

I am finding it easier to forget, well not forget but forgive. Once I finally understood that it isn't a choice, not a malicious act done to hurt me, I was able to put it into perspective. We don't ask questions about the past. I think that helps me. If I ask and get answers I will hurt fresh. I don't want that. The past is behind me.

We brought up the subject of remarriage. It makes us both laugh. Yet, we haven't done it. He is scared. He has a felony warrant for breaking and entering. Here is the kicker, it is my house and charges filed at my request. I told him when he went to rehab (after he decided to go) that I would drop them since his help needed to come from there not the county jail. Well the detective won't drop the charges. She insists that he come in, get processed and bail out then the DA can see the case and drop the charges. Is that for money? Do they have a bail bonds man that kicks back some referral money? I am a little pissed about it. He is going to take care of it, he knows that he is getting off lightly.

Other than that we are all well. I have strep throat and I have never felt this shitty in my whole life! I mean when I was prego with the third kid I felt dead on my feet but this it totally different. I feel like I was hit by a truck. It hurts to swallow. Ugh. Now I have to wait on my kids to get it. Fun times!

At least I got my room painted! It is a beautiful shade of light green. The girls' room is a dark pink and now I feel like it is mine. I love my house. I love that I own it and I can dress it up or keep it like it is. It makes me happy. The new puppy has been restricted to the kitchen or the backyard. She is smart but young. She is a bulldog and we all love her so. I did a lot of research before we decided on the breed. I wanted a dog that was great with kids. She is. And they love her so. She has the most precious face, all squishy. We named her Suey, like as in "SUUUEEYYY!!!" like how the farmer calls a pig. Her mom is maned Piggy because she snorts a lot. It is too funny. I love animals with character!

Well I do have to fold. The house has gone to shit while I have been sick. Thanks for your time!

Lessons learned

There are two types of people in this world: the "get it over with" folks and the "I'll get to it folks". It never fails that these two people hook up with one another. It has to be as frustrating to one half as it is to the other. It must make them want to yank every hair out of their heads like it does to the other.

I will give you one guess which one I am. I will give you one guess which one C is. If you had me pegged as the get it over with type then you do know me. I cannot begin to describe the level of frustration I feel when I am cleaning the kitchen and getting the kids things together for an outing with grandma and there he is eating and watching a dvd (that he has already seen and I am dying to watch by the way). If my head could seriously pop then he would need to call in a steam cleaning company because brains would have been all over the carpet.

So I am in here trying to relax and not fight. Then he comes in and disrupts my flow of writing because my boobs are nearly hanging out of my pjs and I know he is horny. He tells me he loves me. He smells like Pi (my fav cologne)and gets the kids out of the bath.

We have learned a lot from our past and I have learned to step away and not fight. There is no winner only losers. It is a hard pill to swallow and I have a hard time saying I am sorry. I have learned that the right way is the hard way and if it is hard to say I am sorry then it must be right.

Helloooo, is anyone there?

I took a short vacation and got out of the loop on blogging. I did get all signed up for school and caught up on the bills. We are all healthy now and C is still going strong. He received his first paycheck and endorsed it and handed it over at his urging. He even has direct deposit to my account with no access to it. He is being open now. I am happy with it. It is the most honest we have been since our first year of marriage. I even have on the wedding ring again. It feels like it should have always been there. I have composed an email to the family, but haven't sent it yet. I keep on finding excuses for it. The kids are thriving. I cannot wait for school to start. We all do so much better with a routine.

I have missed blogging and reading my fellow bloggers. I promise to get back on with that. It helps me so much. My PMS is really bad and that started my non-blogging binge. My life feels very positive and pointed. I feel like I have direction and purpose. I finally nailed down a degree (since I have about 65 hours and needed to settle) and I am going with education, more specifically middle school. That was the best years of my childhood and I want to pass on that passion and love. I love education and I love thinking I can make a difference. I think that is the codependent way.

I am off to bed, I have had a really long day. I hope you are all well and look forward to catching up soon!