I am a rule follower by nature. I wear my seat belt even in a parking lot, feel wild and crazy if I get 5 miles over the speed limit, and rebelled against myself in high school. I tried weed once and made a pact with God that if I made it through the night that I would never, ever try it again. I never did. I was always drawn to the boy in class with the chip on his shoulder. I am a strong willed person so a man that challenges me excites me. Sure a man that shows up with flowers is sweet. But the guy that screeches up in a Trans Am 5 minutes late smelling like dreamy cologne, well that's sexy. When he wears the seat belt so he "won't get pulled over because I might have a warrant", that pushes me over the edge. It was natural that I would want C. I worked with him at a restaurant and he cooked, I served. He smiled at me, I smiled at him. I never thought I was his type. I am not a "cheerleader type" of girl. I am not cute and I came to terms with that in middle school. I do have some endearing qualities though. I was smart. I saw was because the turn my life took sapped me of any intelligence whatsoever.
Back to my hubby. We started talking more at work and flirting. I loved coming to work those days. We ended up hooking up at a work party not long afterwards. He told me, didn't ask me, that he would kiss me. I love that. I am a romantic. Sweep me in his arms, kiss me passionately, throw me over his shoulder and take me away! At that point he had done drugs rather heavily in high school and for several years afterwards. He dropped out and earned his GED. He drank heavily. I did not want to have that lifestyle. I told him then and he said he was through, he went to AA and stopped. Oh, he did it for me! I was in love. I knew I was the day he sat on a motorcycle (not running) with a cig between his lips and asked me, "don't I look good?". YES! I knew it. He was my exact opposite. It takes me 45 minutes to get into a pool. He runs and jumps. I order the same things at restaurant, he tries everything. I could never retire in life with a man that turns the other cheek. As much as I try, the idea of a man that isn't hot headed, temperamental or passionate bores me. Why? Is it that I am codependent? Or romantic? Or stupid? Going through blogs of people like me is eye opening. There are more of me out there than I ever thought. Has anyone come up with an answer? How could I be a fine as, for example, an accountant but couldn't be fine coming home to one? As much as I have hated C, I have loved him. It is deep and passionate and real. He feels the way for me that I do for him. Can't explain that either. Any thoughts? How many "Mary Pure"s are there with a bad boy? Where is the happy ending to that story?
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