We saw him today

I guess the title should read: The kids saw him today. It is parent's day every 2nd and 4th Sundays. They all have 4 hours to cram in two weeks worth of quality time. It does make things happier though. I should have come home and cleaned house but I drove around a while and read the rest of a book and started another. It was nice to see him. He looks well. Everything about him looks well. We sneaked in a kiss. It was nice. I miss him. I miss his smell, his presence. I miss hearing the bass voice that, although not clear, I can hear in my sleep. I miss the sports talks that I pretend to care about. They are on lock down at the facility and cannot watch the news or tv. They don't get music. I feel it is a little harsh. I guess someone messed up royally. I hope it is lifted soon as C will have family visits on Sat. nights in July. I really am looking forward to those. I feel that if we are able to survive this and end up back together we will have to move. I don't think he can stay here. It will be too hard. He doesn't know that I took the kids to see his mom. She is on hospice. I despise that woman. She is looking really bad now. I like to think it is her punishment for the evil she did, but I am trying to let go and pity her. I don't blame her totally. She is the most destructive mother ever made, short of the moms that kill their kids. I am trying to let go. It is easier now that she cannot call. Ugh.
Back to the moving. I need to be somewhere else too. I want a new view. I should just by an RV. That is probably the most practical thing. We move too much. I mean, I bought this house, but I can buy another somewhere else. At any rate. I do hope that things progress this positively. I stressed C out today. My aunt mom (another story for another day) wants the big kids for three weeks. It stresses me out but I could really save money. I knew it would stress him out too. We don't like my aunt mom at all. I mean, I love her, but she isn't the most motherly person. (hence another story for another day)
Now he tells me that he can either leave and get a job or stay and I can call his grandparents. I tell him to stay and I will call the gparents, not. I tell him this so he will relax. I had to tell him the kids were going, but, I wish I didn't have to. I don't want him to leave. I mean, I miss him but he needs to stay there. I need him to stay there. I have to finish school and I cannot worry about him. I did enough of that. I told him not to leave. I want to marry him, not bury him. My post tonight is all over the place. That is likely due to the allergy meds kicking in. Blissful sleep soon! Good night.