Welcome to my life

Those who know me personally know that I couldn't resist putting in my two cents. I have been filling my free time with blogs. Not just any blogs, those who are like me. We are affected/effected by addiction. Some of you are the drug addicts while the rest are the people addicts. I have divorced my husband in Dec. and have vowed to remarry him. The story is long and I have nothing but time to tell it. We have three kids together. He is in rehab. Not just any rehab, a 2 year inpatient rehab. He was living in homeless shelters, eating out of garbage cans and conning for crack. It took 8 years of marriage to get there. It took 8 years of hell to let go. I read so many blogs of women and men that love an addict. I cannot tell you how my heart breaks for you. Out of love, insanity and co-dependency you will not let go. You cannot let go. I finally let go and that is when he sought help. I was the worst person for him in the entire world. How can that be when I love him more than anyone else in the world. What you don't see in mirror is how sick you have become. I was as ill as he was only I didn't have an escape. I became a shell as he did. Drugs destroyed us both but only one received the high. I stayed down.
I cannot read some of the posts. It hurts too much and fills me full on anxiety. I cannot reach through my screen and into yours and shake you, though I want to. I see you, me there. I read your thoughts and I share those with you, although several years ago. I cannot tell you to leave, that isn't what you need to do. You need to let go. You can stay, but let go. Protect yourself, but let go of that control. "You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't change it." I have too much in here to put in one, two or 1000 posts. More will follow. I hope that someone, somewhere gets something postive out of the hell my life has been.