I don't believe in reincarnation. I think it is a really neat idea to consider. This is not to say that I don't believe in spirits or a spiritual world because I do but I don't really subscribe to the idea that I have had past lives. This being said, I really feel like an old person in a 29 year-old body. I don't enjoy the things my peer do. When I went through my divorce I had a compulsion to go out and party. And I did, once. And I drank, three drinks. And I went home. Period. I didn't dance. I didn't pick up anyone. I ate a greasy burrito.
My life is a greasy burrito. I enjoyed the burrito more than the $7 Sangrias and the shitty band that played.
It was refreshing to go out an let my hair down. I always regret it though b/c I think of the money I spent and what is left to show for it.
I had my first baby at 18. I made the choice then to put aside any partying tendencies and raise her the best I could. I had so many acquaintances that had babies young and was a co-parent to their child with their parents. I vowed not to ever do that, not to me, to her or to my parents. And I didn't. I have my 11 year-old baby along with my 8 and 3 (one of which is on my lap).
I guess the point to the rambling post is the loneliness I feel sometimes. I work with women very similar to me that enjoy clubbing and such. Am I alone? Am I really an 80 year old person in my 29 year-old body? Ugh.
I wish I could relax enough to see the value in drinking and dancing. Is it b/c of my addict hubby? Do you think he made me really hate it? I see so many problems when I see my friends "going out". There are so many things that could/should/and do go wrong. I know we live for today but aren't we not really asking for it but should we expect it when we put ourselves in those situations? I need clarity.
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I had my first baby at 31, didn't get married until I was 28 -- so, I had all those years of being single and without kids and I think I've been out drinking and dancing just a few times in all those years. And that includes high school and college.
I just don't enjoy it. Some of that is a discomfort with alcohol. Some of it is that I'm an introvert -- I get overwhelmed by crowds and noise. I'd rather eat the burrito too -- read a good book -- go out to a restaurant with a few good friends -- watch a movie. But clubbing? Boring and uncomfortable. Of course, the clubbers would say my life is boring, so we're all even.
I did tons of that shit when I was younger...but I can't do it anymore, either. That's why I have all of you now, my imaginary friends, and my imaginary club over in our little pink room. It's funny, though, that all of us old grannies sitting home eating our greasy burritos have these husbands who still think that they're 16 and can party all day.
I clubbed and clubbed. Before my kids, after my kids (responsibly....). I am not a partier.. but have been known to party. I LOVE LOVE LOVE dancing. LOVE it. I don't care about the drinking so much, but I still do a fair amount of it (when i'm out). At 36 I would say I go out now, maybe once a year and dance and have drinks. I can take or leave it.
So, I guess, it just depends who you are. I don't think anyone would see me and think I party the way I do- I end up on the speakers dancing- the none slut version however! But, over all. I'm a homebody.
Did any of this make sense? I think i just like talking about way back when party'n
Oh- and I wanted to say. I always feel good and guilty the next day for my hangover. That's the biggest reason I don't do a lot of it. Heavy price- not worth it
I am also a very young body with a very old person inside, so I understand your disinterest in clubbing/partying.
I've always had a terrible fear of the party scene. I think it stems from being so hurt by two alcohol abusers I was close to. Watching the way people change when they drink too much reminds me of all the lies I had to deal with from them.
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