Overactive tear ducts!

I cry at movies. I cry inappropriately at movies now. I might have cried when the boy shot the dog or the mom is at the daughter's funeral with her friends but now I cry at everything. My children probably think their mother is a basket case filled with tissues. What is wrong with me? I cry when I tell stories about crying. For Pete's sake! My sinuses cannot handle the pressure of the runny snot! It is refreshing to think that I empathize with so many people. I must really believe the stories or maybe the acting is just that good. I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind again. I love the movie. I don't recall bawling the last time I watched it though. I needed a few minutes to gather my composure three weeks ago when I watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants! What is up with that? I can place myself in the drama of the movies and mold it to fit me somehow. Boy am I reaching for some excitement???
At any rate I never have to worry about a clogged tear duct. They run constantly. I haven't thought of C overly today. I mean, I think of him as often as I do but I am insecure. I am over analyzing our touches and movements. I feel distant sometimes, like maybe I am reaching out too hard? Did I feel him pull away from me? It is hard. I am going to have to give it up. If I have learned nothing over the years it is this: what good does worrying do about it? So, it doesn't work out. I will eventually drag myself out of the despair and mow the lawn. Someone has to do it. What a random thing to end that sentence with, huh? Mow the lawn! I am losing it. I guess I need sleep.
I would like to think about my future. I want to post here that he is out, we are reunited and can actually leave the past where it is, behind us. Not forget, but forgive and move on. I would like to leave the words of encouragement that I will have under my belt solid by then. I want to have assurance that things will be well. Oh, but if my codependency isn't better by then, then someone run me over! Can you believe I typed that? How can I have assurance? Control. I need to let go of control. Can you see it? That sentence about assurance. That is control. Ooh. I have to be careful. You see beautiful people, we control without even thinking. Do you wonder if they use without even thinking? I never cease to be amazed by addiction. I think codependency is an addiction lock, stock and barrel. I am/was addicted to C. He was addicted to everything. I guess some part of that was me. I know it was. The only thing I can do now is turn it over, give it to Him. My faith is returning and I am happy to give my uncontrollable, not caused by me, I cannot change problem away. I was never overly religious, in fact I had/have a hard time with some things still. My experience has been that the hardest way is generally the right way. If it is hard to believe in it (higher power), then maybe it is right. Things always seem to work better for me when I trust that (higher power), though. It can't hurt! It certainly wasn't working when I only trusted negativity.