I normally count my blessings and can snap out of these moods but today I cannot. I am inside my head. I am having a problem but I cannot figure out what it is. There is something nameless floating around inside of me but I cannot grab it and shake it.
I am melancholy. I love that word. It is beautiful. I wish it wasn't so sad. I wasn't this way when I woke up. I received a call from my friend. She was giving me the details of her night that included our co-worker and an ex-friend of ours. I say ex because once that crazy bitch found ice we had to let her go. It was easier to set that boundary than with my hubby. At least I learned something.
At any rate she was giving me the details of how it progressed from dancing in a club to ending up at a drug dealers house where they were given a choice, tits or money. Fun times.
I am not sure why I am so affected by this story. If they want to flash for joints then that is their perogative. Why I am so pulled down by this?
My overall feeling right now is alone. I feel alone sometimes. I don't feel like I fit in with society sometimes. I am growing jaded and sad. I hate what I see around me sometimes. As a child I believed that people were good until they grew up. Once they grew up they made the decision to be bad or good. If that was/is true then why do I see so many good people doing bad things? Why does this hurt me so bad today?
I wish I didn't have such a problem with Church. Don't get me wrong, I am not an atheist. I believe in God and Jesus but I am also a woman and a feminist and I don't like how women are portrayed in many aspects of the bible or how hypocritical the members of a church can be (grew up in a southern baptist area). That being said, I wish I didn't have such a problem with it. I really feel like I could find a home in religion. Maybe it is what I need, to be full of faith that my fellow people are good and want to do good things.
I don't believe that all people should fit into cookie cutter shapes, that if the shoe doesn't fit too bad. I know that we have diversity and cultures and I love that about our world. But there are some things that cross all cut lures as being bad and lying is one of those things. What good happens when you are out at 3 am? Can someone please tell me what the hell this rambling post points me to?
Sorry if anything in here offended anyone. I am just typing as it comes to me and I don't wish anyone harm or feel that I have attacked any beliefs. I encourage feed back. Did I really just type a disclaimer?
About Me
- Stepbackjack
- I am a mother of three awesome children. I am a reluctant divorcee though we are planning to reconcile after rehab gradutation (aren't I asking for it =0)!
I strive to be like water, flowing around obstacles, serene and giving, useful and cleansing, relentless and lasting.
4 comments:
I'm on Step 2 and 3 right now...difficult shit.
Did you read the Divinci Code? I say, for now, maybe fuck society (SNFU- an old punk band up here)and don't even think about bad people, and for shits and giggles, read all about those strong women of religion in that fun fun book. Get the one with the pretty pics- assuming you haven't read it.
I always want to put disclaimers on my blog- what with being a jebus lover and all. And hey, that's totally codie, so your good.
It's funny, one of the things that being married to an addict has made me believe very deeply is that people are good at heart, want to do good, but get fucked up along the way and end up doing bad things -- and that finding and trying to stick to our spiritual center keeps us on the path to do good things...
I know the feeling of not fitting in -- and definitely of not fitting in, but wanting, a spiritual community. I think my life would be easier with something like a church, but I haven't found the right place for me...
i was shock and heart broken few months back when i found out my husband cheating was on me with with some from hiswork We’ve been married going on 4 years. 2kids. lots of amazing moments together. i want to leave, but i love him so much.he has to see her everyday because they work together. we are both still young and very attractive. but i want my husband, my only friend, and the father of my beautiful children. how do i get past the thought of another woman having taking my husband from me? Not my fiancé, not my boyfriend, but my husband! i still love him even though he thinks i want to leave i really want him to do better and stop me before i walk out! my husband told me that he doesn’t feel loved anymore, just because of lady he is seeing at work... and he wants a divorce, i was devastated, heart broken i begged him to listen to me that we can work it out like we always do, but he didn’t listen, he told me that he met someone that loves and understands him, i begged him to consider our kids but he’s did listen. he left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i good testimony about a man that can Cast a spell to remind him of all the things we have been through together and make him fall 100% in love with me again, at first I was scared but i decided to give it a try, and like magic my husband is back to me, apology and begging for forgiveness,my marriage is save and my husband is showing me love more then ever before, happiness is back in my home all thanks to this Genuine man prophet ogidi of MIRACLECENTER110@GMAIL.COM.
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